Beginning of my Cynical Search

Sometimes smiling is incumbent to all of us……

Life is bizarre, unexplainable we all agree. Moments undefined stays in our memory and we spend rest of our time finding out how one felt and waiting for it to occur to know. 

You love, you fail, you triumph and you question yourself? Triumph!!! The feeling is short lived.

Letting go is an art … An art, a practice which undertaken goes through laborious, excruciating process of pain, happiness, and freedom.

A simple story, a very desperate girl to fall in love, equally anxious guy to feel the love, make love. We all have past, they had too. A broken heart always looks for comfortable bird nest to feel secure and feel right about existence. They fell in love too, again. And every time you think you are in love you believe this time you chose the right one.

They spoke, and spoke a lot. Knowing each other seems the exciting part of any relationship. Now you know she likes chocolates & flowers, you discover he wants to be left alone when he is angry. Still it all feels new, a revelation and unmanageable at the same time.

Days passed, Years flew lots of fun moments and few bad (which they say to convince themselves that it was all perfect and meant to be). Number of romantic Karan Johar’s movies(especially Yeh Jawani hai deewani), only this director can capture the “romance” and “love”, although there is no significant difference its always about two people finding their soul mates amidst nail biting experience , so called suspense will they be together at the end!!!!), and dinners. And after all of these you realized now, like today there is something missing? Why are we fighting every day, why don’t she/ he understand me?

Yes, as of today they are not together but you and I have heard a lot of these some you feel really bad for and some you don’t care. But none of us have answers. 

But can we make this right? 

I am who I am, and I take every minute and moment delicately and judiciously to become me.  The experience and failures have made me. I am different; I don’t normally feel bad or envious like others. This is each one of us calling ourselves different. 

Isn’t it supposed to be truly “being different”!!!!! What we go through is normal but how we dodge going through is being different. Feeling sad, envious is normal accepting it instead of fighting, is really being different. Being happy is normal but feeling contented is different. Most important and exclusive of all “letting person you are in love with “be different”!!!!!.

More to come…. This is the beginning of my search…..

CLANDESTINE EVOKES REVELATION IN ME

Clandestine (mystery, secret) evokes revelation in me

Sometimes i wonder why and the answer i could not avoid hearing WHY NOT!!!!
Although we all have our stories to narrate, we like making some changes to make it sound interesting or appealing. My life is differentiated by own emotions and me. Times i am surprised with all the new alien emotions, I come across we all do.. We are never aware of things until we experience it. Here by I write two of which tend to be all of us, gone through it, familiar with unhappiness, expecting joy, doubting your own beliefs etc

Pain in letting go: Years of knowing you, I failed to understand what is it that we needed or lacked, to be together. Constant search of lost emotion or feeling left me wounded and hurt. One thing I realized lot of times we battle on reasons which essentially do not reveal the purpose of existence and need of this one person in our lives. I squandered, we wasted our “discussions” on trivial matters but mainly I needed you, because I needed a friend who could listen to me without being pejorative (judgmental). Pain of letting go a friend is a scar to your confidence and well-being. Friends come in different forms/Christmas gifts wrapped with full of surprises and glee.  In terms of spouses, parents, people you know for long time, we waste our time and energy in search  of magic but always fail to understand magic is in you but it’s time to use your wand to revive the moments. It is as refreshing as visiting your old food hangouts, reading your old novels, eating your old favorite chocolate. All of those which vanished in time.

Happiness in abundance: You are at ease, you are at peace and happiest. Living a life is with you, moment you feel this you should know you are not wrong or mistaken. Cry which makes you believe you cannot smile without this person’s presence. Love and all that jazz!!!! You feel it, and you have hunger for more. With one person you feel shielded by their affection and not by rules to stay happy. Accepting life is not always bed of roses, when we get hurt you need somebody with you to feel the pain and to release you from it. Being oblivious, when not needed and feel loved when you most need it. Being with you, the way it was planned or should be does not just seem a dream, feels real. Fights, arguments, unhappiness, failed expectations are inevitable but moments you still feel you hope to have that one cup of tea with this person and relax, certainly a “needed” relation. Someone you are annoyed about and also know you cannot have contented happiness without. These are in any forms and shapes :-) folks, friend, spouses (lucky ones). Trick is not to expect from someone since the norm says you should. And definitely admitting to the fact , this one person is “your” person even after all the mishaps , you like tolerating him/her. 

                    You cannot wait for "perfect moments" , take your moments and make it perfect!!!!
You may not realize it, but the fun in your life may be getting chipped away little by little. Hold tight to the things that give you passion and purpose in life. 


Love
Megs

I used to like my biryani much spicy…..

How is it going to be if we bump into our ex-boyfriends/girlfriends? Is it thrilling, nice, happy or worst to have experienced. We talk, talk so much about how well we have moved on from our past but have we really? I would not like to take the credit from those who really made an attempt to let go and find themselves at best place now. It seems certain they had valid points to quit. My best friend says he hates to hear unnecessary details from his ex-girlfriend ( in his mind; I have tolerated enough of your likes and dislikes , time to concentrate on mine).  

When you think of it now, life then was like a food served from best of chef and to try something different, with all the right/”let’s try this” ingredients he invented a bad dish!

I think like we categorize food, I can as well relate the kinds to group of people who have or tried moving on!!!!

Veg “Ball” Manchurian: They like it simple, just one dish and round. Life for them is one big circle. The obvious group of people who conveniently fell in love thinking this would be simple and then marriage, which of course did not happen. When they meet their exes while shopping in a huge super market and you are carrying your baby in one hand and groceries on the other, You truly want to drop everything down, all that you are holding!!!! Or hide your kid!!!! But since you guys like veg “ball” Manchurian you will exchange some haayeees and baaayees , “long time where were you ???. See you later some time we will surely catch up “. This again never happens. Whole drive home they relive their past and sudden one slap on your cheek, yeah your baby boy saying appa/ amma…. . Not that they like it this way they are bored/ indolent to give it a try. They still remember her/his favorite restaurant and every time you visit this only restaurant “accidentally”/”purposefully” (Phut[sound of music])!!!! Comes the slap. They never can or maybe want to move on , they like to tread on the same path.

Andra “Spicy” Biryani: They like it with all kinds of masalas, pungent, obnoxious, intolerant spices. The “I dumped her/him crowd”. Most confident, unreasonably proud set of humans. When they wanted it , it was the battle they won but when they lost him/her it was a defeat or failure . None of the biryanis they have tasted, consumed for months now seems spicier. When you happen to meet her/him clearly in one of the Nandini restaurants you know for the fact you have to behave (insane fake act) of being “happiest” . You are relishing every spoon of this dish, you are mouthful and she/he walking towards you , you want to puke this out or choke to death as clueless/extremely delighted you seem she/he says “hi” How have you been?, By the way this is my fiance!

You swallow the food in the mouth and the fact you just heard then say “congratzzz”. She/he leaves, you turn to your friend and say after such long time I had amazing biryani today. I never really liked him/her anyway!!!!!.

Our all-time favorite “Masala Dosa”:   Right set of mass who truly made an attempt to move on , with certain reasons and over the time have accepted it was only for good and now they see why because there is more room for masala dosas anytime , anywhere. Set of people who have always admired the art of food making , preparations and loved the aroma of masala dosa. Typically, I mean they loved, there was indeed happiness somewhere although it failed that still did not kill their purpose to continue to lead a blissful life with or without. Rarest of all existence!!!! Somewhere you are appreciating the idea of having one more Masala Dosa and your ex walks in to the counter to order , you say hi and she/he says hi and you get lost in the thoughts of how awesomely you would relish the dosa. While your much awaited dosa is being made you talk about here and there stuffs. And you take your only best, needed friend dosa for now, bid goodbye. Now the remarkable part is your ex-boyfriend/girl friend is gawking at you abusing her/his fate why did I say goodbye to him/her. With this chutney this dosa becomes even yummier….

Sometimes I do feel we all like bumping into our ex-boyfriend/girlfriend accidentally or hunt them down just to let them know how happily one have survived. All our tastes changes, routine, likes changes over the time. We all move on consciously, forcefully but love for anything new never really changes. I used to like my biryani much spicy but now I have started to eat it with less spice or adjust it with raitha!!!!

Love

Megz